The Spinspeak Letter

Gleanings from the social and diplomatic fronts:

conscious uncoupling = Hollywood gooeytalk for what the tabloids call  “splitsville” or old-timey divorce.

unconscious coupling = psychobabble for hooking-up.

war weary = cop-outtalk for justifying execution of the head-in-sand maneuver in the face of imminent danger.

international community = UN talk for group of unnamed toothless nations whose support is often invoked in times of trouble

consequences = bravebabble for mystery marshmallow Big Stick.

off ramp = diplomatspeak for continuing pacifist pabulum offering to tiger who is eating your lunch.

A careful translator’s Spinspeak Guide to the ObamaCare fiasco:

Minimum standards plan = gobbledegook for a mandated Easter Basket of medical services that you will never use or are ready to risk doing without but must pay for so others can have them free or as bargains.

Affordable = cosmeticspeak for large to very large price increases.

Misspoke = cozytalk for a much repeated, blatant lie – specifically Obama’s pledge “you can have your doctor and your insurance policy if you like them. Period.”

Glitch = plastertalk for “It doesn’t work.”

Tech surge = military herobabble for “we’ve finally recruited some expert kids to help my hack policy wonks to fix it.”

Shared responsibility fee =gooeytalk for a federal fine (tax in Supremecourt-talk) for refusing to pay through the nose for an ObamaCare policy.

Bad apple = smearspeak for “big” insurance companies who offer elderly ladies bad apple insurance policies absent such services as maternity care.

Substandard insurance = upsidfedowntalk (syn. bad apple) for insurance that does not resemble the high cost sucker package you are peddling.

Fix = wishfulbabble for an obviously dubious forecast.

A reliable source who remains anonymous because he was not authorized to speak reports that the Obama Administration’s in a move to protect the self esteem of government workers furloughed in a government shutdown has banned calling  these public servants non-essential even if they are.

Accordingly , be advised:

• Non-essential workers  will henceforth be called non-excepted workers.
• Essential workers will henceforth be called excepted workers.

International community = fuzzball  for alleged group of world powers but more likely  a ragtag pickup of  bribed followers. e.g., Honduras,  Latvia and Moldavia.

No pinprick = squarepegspeak for righteous denial that you are planning to do what you are planning to do.

Style = suckertalk for belittling  critics for expecting able execution of policy as opposed to a Rube Goldberg  performance.

Trust but verify  =  bumpersticker wishfulbabble that you have little or no expectation of doing.

Make no mistake = Warning talk for whatever follows will be 100  proof spinspeak.

Let me be perfectly clear =Warning talk for whatever follows will be a mud wall.

Hold accountable = justice spin for all the bad guys can relax and make merry.

Unbelievably small = fogspin for  an alledgedly bold military action comparable to a one-armed security guard arresting a rabid Bengal tiger.

proportional = military rubberspeak for we will do whatever we have to do to look as if we know what we are doing.

limited = military calmspeak for not-to-worry.

redline = dipspeak for pseudobackbone doctrine.

reset =   spinspeak for “overcharge” in Russian.

no boots on the ground = Trojanhorsetalk for lite war (fully organic, 99.9 percent fat free).

Evil guys blow up Boston.  Evil guys blow up Syria.  No problem. The White House PCS ( Politically Correct Spin)  Machine  deals with both in the same slippery manner.

President Obama calls the Muslim jihadist attack on  Boston  a “tragedy” apparently confusing  it with something like a  play  about  King Lear’s ungrateful daughters.

Secretary of State Kerry assures everyone  that  Killer-in-Chief-for-Life Assad’s “days are  numbered”  without mentioning the number.

Spinspeak definitions:

tragedy = fogspeak for attack by Islamist warriors.

days are numbered = bravebabble  for “those guys are really losing. Really. No  kidding. Honest Injun.” Ooops! Make that read “Honest Native American.”

Verbal star of the 2012 election campaign spin-go-round is unquestionably the word “fair” which contemporary politics has rendered meaningless.

Some examples:

 Fair wage = higher salaries and pensions for government workers whose compensation already outstrips  the private sector.

 Fair day’s work = No more than six hours a day, four days a week with 20 holidays, 30 sick days, 20 personal business days  and six weeks vacation – a package pioneered in France and Greece.

 Fair share = Higher taxes for the most productive elements of society.

As the witches once warned Macbeth:

Fair is foul and foul is fair

Hover through the fog and filthy air

Back in days of yore when kings had gout from overeating, merry-making and much drink and angry paupers with anarchist leanings and bombs  were actually poor, the phrase “class warfare”  had some meaning.

No longer.

Today any rogue or roguette can be a multi-millionaire TV king or queen for at least a fortnight  and the  “permanent poor” have cars, Ipads, and plastic food stamp cards.

None of this impinges on our  spinspeaking class warrior snollygosters who have removed all class from class warfare with class- warefarespeak.

Here is a class-warfarespeak sampler:

fat cats = rich, greedy Wall Street crooks who will remain mostly unnamed in case they want to make a campaign contribution to the speaker.

few at the top =  multi-millionaire and billionaire wastrel, depraved  sons and daughters of dead multi-millionaires and billionaires who made their money by stealing from the workers who didn’t become millionaires and billionaires.

middle class = formerly hard-working people mostly private sector seeking to improve their lot from generation to generation through their talent; now,  public sector employees seeking to improve their lot by milking the hard-workers in the private sector.

their fair share = the 63 percent of the cost a bankrupt government that “the rich” are not already supporting.

millionaires and billionaires = bad guy, malodorous definition of anyone making more than $200,000 a year except for members of the political class and their unctuous polyps.

A handy voter’s guide to current economic spinspeak:

class warfare = reverse doubletalk  for pretending to protect the “middle class” by advocating ever popular “soak the rich” tax programs that eventually “soak”
everyone not on food stamps.

unexpected = I-am-shocked-shocked  spin for who would have ever thought that  our stupid failed policies would result in further disaster.

millionaires and billionaires  (see the rich) =  forked-tongue talk for diving into poverty anyone in what used to be called the upper middle class.

fair share = fliptalk for as much of all your money as we can get our hands on.

underlying social contract = elitist academic Trojanhorse-talk  for  the
envy-dripping belief that anyone who has more money than I do must have inherited it,  stolen it or cheated some peasant out of it  and society demands that it be confiscated and redistributed.