Archive for March, 2005

>Spinning Death in Florida

Thursday, March 31st, 2005

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Right-to-Die Lawyer George Felos, who has explained that starvation and thirst are euphoric experiences, now wants you to know that departure from this world is merely something called the “death process.”

As Felos explained on Fox News, Terri Chiavo “entered the final steps of her death process” in the hours preceding the time when her other processes stopped working because she was denied food and water for 13 days.

Felos’ contribution to spinspeak opens up numerous opportunities for better understanding of historical events.

For example, when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor , some 3,000 American troops were enabled to enter the final steps of their death process. Same great benefit was given to the folks at Auschwitz and the World Trade Center. Diito, Lincoln. Ditto, Kennedy.

Once you know that merely the “death process” is involved, it’s hard to understand what all the fuss is about.

>At the UN Rape is a “Recreational Option”

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005

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The much-troubled UN says it “shares” the concern of many that its handling of the Food-for-Oil program in Iraq would have embarrassed Enron, but don’t be too hard on the UN because its peacekeepers have been raping women and girls whom they were supposed to be protecting.

The problem according to a UN top spokesman: “lack of funds.”

According to the UN, if it had had more money it could have provided “other recreational options” for the peacekeepers and they wouldn’t have had to fall back on rape to keep themselves amused.

In summary, the real bad guys are the “rich” nations of the world that won’t take proper monetary responsibility. Accordingly, the UN position is that this rape unpleasantness is only “our bit of the larger scandal.”

If only the UN could have afforded more ping-pong tables and magazines for the boys, everything would have been okey-dokey.